Bad Bridesmaid by Siri Agrell

Author:Siri Agrell [Agrell, Siri]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4434-0392-4
Publisher: HarperCollins Canada
Published: 2007-08-22T16:00:00+00:00

Let’s Make a Raw Deal

The main responsibility of bridesmaids once the shower is actually in full swing is to give the appearance that the event is not just another cash-grab but a grand occasion for everyone involved. It may be tempting to just let people show up, dump their presents on the table, knock back a couple shots of vodka, and head for the door, but wedding showers are supposed to be micromanaged festivals of fun.

And there can be no fun without games.

Of all the attendants’ duties, making up shower activities has the potential to be one of the more entertaining bridesmaid tasks. Imagine a rousing session of Pin the Pre-nup on the Groom, or an engagement obstacle course where women must jump over career hurdles, change into revealing outfits, and drain a martini while saying something charming before dashing to a finish line decorated to look like an altar.

Alas, the games bridesmaids referee are usually simple tests of knowledge for the bride-to-be to ace. They are also meant to celebrate the magic of marriage or to establish whether the bride is equipped to perform her womanly duties. One etiquette Web site suggests sticking to topics such as “food and travel.” Right, because most women spend their lives creating original recipes and jet-setting around the world.

At my friend’s shower, we had constructed a sort of Dating Game questionnaire—a pretty standard bridal shower pastime, according to various Web sites and bridal guides. The groom had been e-mailed a series of questions, and I had written his responses on blue cue cards. At the shower, we asked The Bride the same set of questions and scored her ability to match his answers. Mensa-worthy it was not.

I had not yet been branded All Bad, so the other bridesmaids felt comfortable assigning me the task of e-mailing the groom. After a mind-numbing brainstorming session, I sent him a list of seemingly innocuous questions ranging from the enlightening What’s your favorite meal?” to the brain-tickling “Who designed the bride’s dress?”

Feeling like the questions were a little tame, I added, “How many carats is the ring?” It seemed harmless enough. I had heard the answer on at least four different occasions as The Bride showed off her new bauble (referred to as “my precious”) to me and anyone else who happened to find themselves in its glare. When the groom wrote back, he declined to answer the question and typed, “That’s inappropriate,” instead.

When I shared this story at the shower I was met with stares of disbelief. It was as if I had admitted asking him his annual salary or penis size.

“Oh my God!” the other bridesmaids squealed as The Bride rolled her eyes.

I see now that asking the groom about the ring is tacky, while asking a friend to gift-wrap a G-string and present it in front of the groom’s mother is normal and civilized behavior.

But at least at my friend’s shower, both the bride and groom knew the answers to my questions. Barbara D. attended a party where The Bride failed the quiz she was given, surely a bad omen for any marriage.

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